Lifestyles of Andretti

Where did I go wrong?

Thoughts At 3AM

Been feeling really inspired and uninspired at the same time lately. Make sense? Yeah, I thought so. A lot has happened in the past year, including the fact that I am no longer attending Purchase. It’s been the longest and quickest four months of my life man, seeing as niggas is jobless and not going to school. Something’s gotta give. I want to make things right and turn them around, make my mother proud and myself first and foremost. I just want to be happy with the decisions I will make towards my future. I’m just really not clear on what they are but, you would never know if you never try anything out, right? That’s just it, I don’t know where to start. What I do know is that I don’t want to be in the same position I’m in 20 years from now, living at home with my parents, living an unfufilled life, shit I don’t even want this lifestyle 5 years from now. It really sucks. I just wish I would push myself a lot more than I do seeing as I’ve always got these ideas that I just never follow thru with because of lack of motivation and or I’m just afraid of getting my ideas shut down. Whatever the case is, my laziness and fear of rejection are ultimately holding me back from the life I envision for myself down the road. Exploring the world, exploring myself, expanding my mind. I just want to be rich and when I say rich, I mean in mind and bank account. I just want to give back to my mother for these great years, great life and great opportunities she has graced me with. I want to show her that all her hard work wasn’t taken for granted. Ultimately, to complete this task I must let go of the things that have hindered my abilities all along, laziness and fear.